Inside the System is a blog series about mental health, being hospitalised, fellow patients, and the things I've experienced last few months. I started to write because I had no idea how to deal with what was happening, and how to warn others, and because I wanted something I could read back, that would remind me where I never want to be again in my life, emotionally.
The Inside The System series is part of Project Blue is a Wave.
The Inside the System blogs will be uploaded non-chronologically, but the actual time-line in which these events happened can be found here (and will be updated once new blogs follow).
Names of fellow patients have been changed to protect their privacy. Below the timeline there's a short description of which patients I met I'm writing about, and what mental-health problems they're dealing with. These patients have all become close friends of mine, and know I'm writing about them, and gave me permission to do so in order to spread mental health awareness and open up the conversation about (suicide) prevention and getting help. All recurring patients are between 20-30 years old, and I met them inside the hospital. Some of them even worked/studied to become health care professionals themselves; if you met them in the street, you probably wouldn't guess they had any problems, due to the invisibility of mental health problems. People with mental health problems can be your own teacher, parent, neighbour or friend.
Chronological order of events 2017-2016:
2017, July / November 2016: "My Friends are waiting to kill you.." - Exurb1a
2017, July: How my abuser (youtuber Exurb1a) helped me destroy my own reputation by using my dreams and mental state against me (Article and Blog)
2017, July: Is he armed? (scheduled)
2017, July: The knife (scheduled)
2017, July: Car Accident (scheduled)
2017, July: He stuck his dick in crazy (scheduled)
2017, July: Confronting your partner about alcohol abuse (Article and Blog, scheduled)
2017, July: Pressing Charges against Exurb1a part 6 (scheduled)
2017, July: Amsterdam, Paris and Basel (scheduled)
2017, July: Going Home (scheduled)
2017, June: Pressing Charges against Exurb1a part 5 (scheduled)
2017, May: Pressing Charges against Exurb1a part 4 (scheduled)
2017, May 28: Third Time's a Charm (Pressing charges against Exurb1a part 3)
2017, May 22: How to say No (Exurb1a)
2017, May 4: Shame (On You Exurb1a) (Article and Blog)
2017, April: The Lost Tower
2017, March 14: Trouble at the Hostel (scheduled)
2017, March: Kill Yourself (scheduled)
2017, March 13: Wake Up
2017, March: The Green Light
2017, February: Lawyers and legal matters (scheduled)
2017, February: She makes me crazy (scheduled)
2017, February 24: Shira and Mark / Including You
2017, January: Establishing No Contact (scheduled)
2017, January 16: So You Finally Did It
2017, January 16: It's Called Rape (Pressing charges against Exurb1a part 2)
2016, December: New Years Eve
2016, December: Christmas at the Hospital (scheduled)
2016, December: Goodbye (scheduled)
2016, December: It was insane (scheduled)
2016, December: Sexually assaulted by Exurb1a while hospitalised and on medication (Article and Blog)
2016, December: Exurb1a once set fire to a woman's computer (scheduled)
2016, December: We're here for you (scheduled)
2016, December: Exurb1a's here (scheduled)
2016, December: He's not coming (scheduled)
2016, December: Everything's changed (scheduled)
2016, December: Secret Twitter account (scheduled)
2016, December: Lies and threats (scheduled)
2016, December: I'll have to put out a statement (scheduled)
2016, December: Greg / Involuntarily Committed (scheduled)
2016, December: What Medication are you on? (scheduled)
2016, December: Nathan / Is he a marine?
2016, December: Melissa / Bugged phones and model scouts (scheduled)
2016, December: This is your plate of shit (scheduled)
2016, December: Follow me (scheduled
2016, December: Drugs (scheduled)
2016, November 24: Michael / Hypocrite
2016, November: The ultrasound (scheduled)
2016, November: Losing it (scheduled)
2016, November: Flowers
2016, November: The Lost Ipad (scheduled)
2016, November: Chris' Funeral (scheduled)
2016, November: Going to England (scheduled)
2016, November: I'll call your doctor (scheduled)
2016, November: It's Not The Wind
2016, November: Down Under in Bulgaria (scheduled)
2016, November 7 / July 2017: "My Friends are waiting to kill you.." - Exurb1a
2016, November 7: 04 regional Police Station, Sofia (pressing charges against Exurb1a part 1)
2016, November 7: I wish I never met you
2016, November: You're a child (scheduled)
2016, November: The Confrontation (scheduled)
2016, November: Next stop: Sofia (scheduled)
2016, November: How do you feel now? (scheduled)
2016, November: Alone (scheduled)
2016, November: Norwegian hospitality (scheduled)
2016, November: I'm on a boat (scheduled)
2016, November 2: A Tent in November
2016, November 1: Visitors and Strangers
2016, October 29/30: Run
2016, October: Did Exurb1a give me a disease? (scheduled)
2016, October: Accusations (scheduled)
2016, October: I can't do this anymore (scheduled)
2016, October: Everything is my fault (scheduled)
2016, October: Chris took his own life (scheduled)
2016, October: The night that changed everything (scheduled for October 21 2017)
Nathan was involuntarily committed for suicidal behaviour and depression. Nathan was picked up at the train-station by the police, and transferred to the involuntarily committed psychiatric ward (where I met him), after first being forced to be involuntarily committed on the closed department of the hospital for a few weeks. Nathan suffers from depression, which caused him to drop out of nursing school.
Michael was voluntarily committed after family problems that got out of hand. He suffered a concussion a few years ago which lead to him losing his ability to write, speak and think properly. Instead of seeking medical help, he avoided it, and taught himself how to do everything again. He used to work in the creative scene, and has been trying to get his 'drawing hand' back. During his stay at the hospital, he got diagnosed as autistic.
Greg was involuntarily committed after taking an overdose of his medication. He woke up in the hospital after his suicide attempt, and was forced into isolation for a week after trying to commit suicide inside the locked ward. Greg has been committed twice, and was initially diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I met him through Michael, who met him in the hospital. Greg, just like Nathan, dropped out or nursing school due to depression. Greg kept secrets from his mental-health professionals and what was really been happening inside his mind; it turns out, his problems are much more complicated than everyone originally thought.
Mark was voluntarily committed for the problems surrounding his diagnose ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). He's been in an accident, causing him to have spinal surgery which made him have to give up on the dangerous sports he did. He's in debt relief, and is trying to build his life and body-strength again. I met Mark on the open ward, where he developed a close relationship with another patient.
Shira was voluntarily committed due to impulsive behaviour, manic episodes and drug-abuse. She developed a close relationship with another patient while hospitalised. Because she would be easier to identify than all the other patients I write about due to her difficult life story, I've decided to be very careful with sharing her story when it comes to details.
Melissa was voluntarily committed to protect herself and give her parents "some time to breathe" due to the psychotic manic episode she was going through. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and suffers from psychosis, due to which she wasn't able to go to school for a year; she's been learning to become a mental/social healthcare professional herself. Melissa is trying to deal with her mental health issues, and getting back to school.
Walter suffers from bipolar disorder, just like Melissa. He suffers from psychosis too, and manic episodes. I met Walter at the hospital's hostel; where he was staying too, just like I was after my hospitalisation. Walter is studying to become a chemist.
Annalee suffers from depression. She was hospitalised after she had a psychosis after a weed-overdose, causing her to attack a police officer who tried to help her after she tried climbing off the balcony of her own apartment. She was mentally and physically abused by her ex-boyfriend, has been involuntarily and voluntarily committed, and is trying to get her life back on track.
Huan has been diagnosed with pretty much everything, from borderline personality disorder to psychotic. Due to this he's lost a lot of faith in mental health care, because every specialist diagnoses him with something else, and his medication constantly changes due to it. I met him inside the hospital, where he's been committed voluntarily for months already. He's been inside many different systems since his teens, and is working towards living on his own but with special help, and is waiting for a place inside a system that provides these things for him.