The Butterfly Effect

The Butterfly Effect

I wrote down my truth this month. The truth that affected every choice I made, since I was 19. The truth 3 men tried to use against me to silence and abuse me. That truth has been delivered to court this week. It was the most difficult thing I ever had to do in my life so far.


It took almost 10 years before I was able to write that truth. I want to share with you without giving too many details, how it was possible for me to write that truth, and why it took so long.

Before 2016 there were things that had happened in my life I was too afraid to face, because I was alone, scared, ashamed and didn't feel protected.

Then 2016 happened, and in 2017 I felt forced to make details about 2016 public.

First came the hate, then came the activists who started supporting me and showing me love, then I found 'my people', and then in October 2017, #MeToo happened.

Twitter, in so many ways, changed my life forever.

I started writing. I started interviewing people, connecting with other activists, fighting for change. My journey from artist to activist has been well captured on my website; scrolling through my old posts to recent ones, shows the organic process of it.

People in my extended social network started reading what I wrote. They saw the change in me, they saw what I was fighting for, and in 2019, I believe due to everything I wrote about between 2017-2019, more people started sharing their truth with me.

Among others, based on what some people shared with me in 2019, it made it possible for me to write the 'truth' I mentioned before. I could now, because people agreed to testify their experiences to me (and police) to support me, so I would feel more safe to share my truth.

A lot of people had to come together - many without realising - for me to be able to write that truth. They say it takes a village to raise a child. Well, it takes a whole community sometimes, to give 1 person the courage they need to speak. If you know my work, you know I’ve spoken out about a lot of horrible things, but even for me there have been things too painful to speak about and to fight, because of fear. That was, until this month.

I know what I wrote this month to court has changed my life forever already. I don't know what's coming - and I am expecting it will be a very difficult time - but all I know right now, is that I feel lighter.

When I think of everything that needed to happen for me to get to this ‘lighter’ point, I can only think of chaos theory; the butterfly effect.

“Chaos” is an interdisciplinary theory stating that within the apparent randomness of chaotic complex systems, there are underlying patterns, constant feedback loops, repetition, self-similarity, fractals, self-organization, and reliance on programming at the initial point known as sensitive dependence on initial conditions. The butterfly effect describes how a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state, e.g. a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil can cause a hurricane in Texas.
— Wiki

If there’s one thing I believe in, then it’s the power everyone holds within this ‘system’ we all live in, and how every small change inside it, can affect everything. You might not feel powerful inside this system, but when I think of the butterfly effect as rules to life and change, I believe you are.

So flap your wings, and cause metaphorical hurricanes. Everything you do, affects something inside this system. Aim for positive change.

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