I will not be silenced anymore. Not be my own rapist youtuber Exurb1a, but also not by youtube. Susan, you encourage youtubers to work together. But where are you, when we end up in a hospital due to those collaborations? For 7 months?
[Update October 2017: I went offline for 2 months due to online harassment, and came back to find out people were spreading lies online I had killed myself. Also, Exurb1a had most audio and video evidence I put online to warn people about him, deleted. Someone uploaded a mirror of this video. See below.]
This video shows the break-up video I recorded where Exurb1a admits physical abuse. In the video put in-between, is a recording of a phone conversation I had with Exurb1a while I was hospitalised (I recorded it due to harassment). This happened after he visited me in the hospital, and sexually assaulted me again: He tried to pin it on me so he could threaten me further and make my first allegations seem like 'lies'. He also denied the abuse before happened, of which, unfortunately for Exurb1a, I could prove was a lie. He didn't know I recorded the break-up conversation (I recorded it to protect myself).
The full phone conversation from the hospital was shared on my livestream video about the abuse.
44:47 - A friend witness who tells about the day Exurb1a visited me inside the hospital and how he saw us fighting for example: https://youtu.be/mLAB8usZgmY?t=44m47s
It's followed by a short explanation I give about the next footage I'm showing next (the full hospital recorded phone call after Alex came over).
56:52 - Hospital harassment and Exurb1a lies, full phone conversation; ends with a nurse telling Exurb1a I need to go (she helped me set boundaries, I was really bad at this). - https://youtu.be/mLAB8usZgmY?t=56m52s
The livestream is cut off at the end (youtube didn't save that part it seems). Exurb1a tried to have this video deleted from youtube too. He failed to have it deleted, however, it was blocked in some countries still:
Thank you for those who've been supporting me, encouraging me, and have been there for me these last few months. The kind messages kept me going, as did therapy and medication and my closest friends and my family and especially my son. I love you all for your kindness, but the nasty and horrible messages are getting more insane and sick every day. I don't open my e-mail box anymore with curiosity or joy. When my phone goes off, I'm scared of seeing what's going to show up. I'm scared of the links people send me, to topics where I'm called a liar, where people claim the police dropped my case, where people say I'm a bad mother, a drug addict, a whore, a slut, a cunt, a bitch, a psychotic, a fame-whore, a.. whatnot.
I've told and shared the truth and that's all I ever tried to do. I've gone to the police, many times, and they are now handling everything (opposed to what people claim online). It has been a painfully slow process because mistakes by the police were made (for which they apologised), which has been draining me emotionally, and has made me feel like an empty shell for months.
I tried to be a good person and do the right thing and take responsibility by speaking out so I could warn others, because I was terrified someone else would have to go through the same thing. Because I was terrified someone I once trusted would spread lies and half-truths about me, because they told me they would, unless I stayed silent.
I hope you're warned and cautious. All I ever wanted was that it would stop with me, the manipulation, the abuse, the blackmail, the treating a person like a piece of meat, instead as a human being. I stood my ground since January, trying to share the truth, so you could find it.
But it has come with a cost. I've paid a price in order to protect myself, and for you to be warned. I've paid a price I never in my life imagined I would have to pay for simply loving someone. And I've been punished enough.
I can't fight a potential army of over 300.000 biased people.
It has been ruining my life, speaking out, and there are days when I wish I didn't make it to December 2016, because maybe then people would have believed me. Then my name maybe wouldn't have gotten dragged through the dirt, abused and raped, left for people to find online who just want to haunt me, taunt me, and break me. Then I wouldn't have left behind such a horrible mess. I was always proud of my name, because my parents gave it to me, and I always tried to honour it and not taint it.
Being raped and abused and threatened behind closed doors is one thing. Having your name publicly raped and abused by liars and malicious people, is another. Being told I should kill myself over and over, a person can only take so much.
I had a clean slate for 27 years, but that has been taken away from me. Just because I met the wrong person. Because I was at the wrong place at the wrong time, and because I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't know how to fight my abuser, and made impulsive choices out of fear, which made everything even worse for me.
I've seen the worst in people and complete strangers the last 12 months, and it hasn't given me much hope when it comes to justice or humanity at all.
I've set up a bunch of scheduled blog posts which I've been writing these last few months.
Thanks again for caring.
Be good, (and save the bees).
PS: If you want to know the truth, I've shared it below.